Time weeds out the unnecessary. We rid our lives of unnecessary people. How to get rid of people who really poison life

: if you throw it into boiling water, the frog will realize the danger and jump out of the pot. If you heat the water gradually, then the frog will not jump out and will boil. The message is clear: in everyone's life there will always be people who interfere, portend troubles and harm when you are trying to become better, but do it so carefully that you can not notice the danger.

Such people - let's call them "toxic" or people who poison life - can slow down your progress for a variety of reasons. Perhaps they think that you will not last long in their life if you succeed. Perhaps they feel that their shortcomings will be more visible against your background. Or maybe they just don't accept the possibility of change.

But the root causes are far less important than the immediate impact they have on you. Their anger, resentment, manipulation or cruelty undermine your strength. At any moment you may find yourself surrounded by poisonous friends, relatives, colleagues who, consciously or unconsciously, interfere with your happiness and personal growth. In order to feel good about yourself and be happy, it is important to identify such people in your environment and learn how to manage the emotions that they cause in you.

So let's discuss how to recognize toxic people and how to navigate the complex process of getting rid of such people. Your future depends on it.

How to know that a person is poisoning your life

There are people who pull you back all the time - annoying, quarrelsome, constantly demanding something, or simply repulsive. But such people cannot be called poisoners in the strict sense of the word. They are just nasty people. You want to keep a small distance from such people, but there is no urgent need to cut them out of your life.

People poisoning life, a great variety. On the one hand, your old school friend, who keeps talking about how little time you spend together now. On the other hand, an ex-girlfriend who can still manipulate you, leading you to seizures. Your friend may just be annoying, but your ex is most likely poisoning your life.

Of course, you will have to decide when to just keep your distance and when to cut the person out of your life. The stock of patience for your sister is probably much more than for a colleague, but sisters and colleagues are different.

Now let's talk about real ill-wishers - infecting, controlling your life. Here are a few classic signs of people who poison life.

1. They are trying to control you. It may sound strange, but people who cannot control their own lives often seek to control yours. Their poisonous influence manifests itself in their attempts to control others both openly and covertly, through subtle manipulation.
2. They don't respect your personal boundaries. If you keep telling someone not to do a certain thing to you and they keep doing it anyway, that person is probably making your life miserable. Respect for the boundaries of others is natural for a well-mannered adult. And the people who make your life miserable profit by violating boundaries.
3. They take but give nothing. The ability to take and give is a pledge. Sometimes you need a helping hand, sometimes your friend, but you give and take equally. But not with people who poison your life - they will take everything they can from you, and for as long as you last.
4. They are always right. They will always find a way to stay right even when they are wrong. They are unusually rare to admit that they messed up, made a mistake or put it wrong.
5. They are insincere. This is not about a tendency to exaggerate, save face or other varieties of "white" lies. This is a clear and constantly repeated dishonest behavior.
6. They love being the victim. People who poison your life take pleasure in acting as a victim against whom the whole world is against. They are looking for a reason to be offended, offended, ignored, although they don’t really feel anything like that. They like to make excuses, give seemingly reasonable explanations, or completely deny their guilt in what happened.
7. They don't take responsibility. Partly comes from a desire to avoid responsibility. “Things are just the way they are”, “We are not like that, life is like this” - phrases illustrating the attitude of poisoners to life.

Reminds no one? People who poison your life can go unnoticed for years. Until you stop to reflect on your experience with them.

Now let's talk about how to get rid of such people.

Why is it so important to get rid of people who poison your life?

It is very rare when ill-wishers completely thwart all your attempts to change for the better, but it happens. Basically, they hinder your progress.

Most importantly, do you want to have a person in your life who actively prevents you from making life better?

The answer is, of course, no. It may be hard for you to accept this, but only until you realize the impact his company has on you.

Under the influence of a person poisoning your life, you can reconsider an important decision. You can be sad, feel uncomfortable, frankly ashamed of your own. You can even adopt not the best qualities of poisoners, for example, begin to envy someone else's happiness. Because all poisonous people have a common feature: they want you to become like them.

More often than not, we simply don't realize that someone's behavior is poisoning our lives. If you have such a boss, then you understand how it works: his behavior makes you irritable and embittered, you break down on your subordinates, then the workers begin to conflict with each other more and more, and then transfer this irritation to friends. And before you know it, the poison has already spread.

How to get rid of people who really poison life

1. Accept the fact that goodbye can be long. Cleansing of toxic elements is not always easy. If a person did not respect your personal boundaries before, he will not respect them now. He may return even after you tell him to get out. You may have to say this several times before he finally leaves for good.
2. Don't feel like you have to explain anything. Any explanation you give is more likely to yourself. Tell how you feel, but in a way that it is clear that this is not the subject of discussion. You can do it even easier: gently and calmly tell the person that you no longer want to see him in your life. How much or how little explanation is needed is up to you. Different relationships require a different approach.
3. Speak in a public place. It is not surprising that the people who poison your life can be conflicting or even cruel. Public speaking can significantly reduce the possibility of conflict. And if something goes wrong, you can get up and leave.
4. Block these people on social media. Technology makes it harder to distance yourself, so don't leave an open window through which detractors can terrorize or coax you. You have set your boundaries. Stick to them. This includes preventive measures, such as limiting contacts on social networks.
5. Don't argue, just establish new boundaries. It may be tempting to plunge into disputes and conflicts with people who poison your life, but this is exactly what they seek. If they try to come back, avoid discussions. Define your boundaries strongly, and then end the conversation. You are not trying to convince the person to leave you alone. These are not negotiations. So, as the saying goes, don't feed the troll.
6. Consider maintaining a distance instead of a complete break. Remember, we talked about a person who can hardly be called poisonous to life, but nevertheless he is unpleasant to you? These people don't need to be cut out of your life completely. You just need to keep your distance, dividing the time for communication with them and for your personal affairs.

It is not always necessary to do all of the above. It all depends on the specific situation. Sometimes it's enough just to make a decision and increase the distance, especially when it comes to friends and colleagues, this does not require a serious conversation. Remember that you don't have to explain anything to anyone. You can simply slowly and imperceptibly disappear from a person's life in order to stop feeling his toxic effects. Relationships with people like a fire: stop giving him food, and he will go out by itself.

But there is one scenario where you have to act differently. It's about relationships with blood relatives.

What to do if the person poisoning your life is a member of your family

There are no simple recipes and standard answers that will suit everyone and everyone.

Breaking up with a relative who is poisoning your life can be the most important break in your life. The family directly influences your thoughts, behavior, choices. But relatives are not your owners simply by virtue of blood ties. Kinship is not a license to ruin your life. Remember this.

This is why increasing the distance between the person who is poisoning your life and you is the best solution, whether it be physical or emotional distance.

But in the case of relatives, you will have to make some concessions. You can distance yourself emotionally, but you must be aware that you will still have to interact with this person (for example, meet at holiday dinners or take care of your parents together). In order to keep your distance, you will have to learn to separate the practical activity and the emotional component - you will agree to take part in the life of this person when it is really necessary, but do not let him negatively influence you.

With regard to family members, it is especially important to make informed decisions. So ask yourself: what kind of return do you get from your family members? How are they going? Can you actually completely cut off all ties with a relative who is poisoning your life? You can answer these questions and decide that you need to end the relationship permanently. Or you can adjust your behavior according to the situation. The main thing is to take the time to think about what is happening and the possible consequences of a wrong decision.

Cutting a family member out of your life is not easy. But it may turn out to be the most important liberating decision you will ever make.

What is the most important thing in getting rid of people who poison your life? This is a message to myself. You say to yourself, "I have value." You put your happiness above other people's problems. And once you realize how some people can destroy your sense of self-worth, it will become more difficult for them to penetrate your life.

Communication is an important component of human life, without which a person, as without water and food, would simply die. Establishing contacts with other people is both a physical and psychological daily need, due to the evolutionary development of man. Communication allows us to feel in demand in society, relieves emotional stress and gives a sense of satisfaction. Filling life with suitable people, a person surrounds himself with comfort and harmony. Meetings with others poison our lives and take precious time. In this case, the question arises: how to exclude unnecessary people from life in a humane way, while remaining a well-mannered and decent person?

How to recognize an unnecessary person among your social circle?

Unnecessary people are quite common in our lives and for a long time occupy a certain place in it, skillfully disguising themselves as close friends and good acquaintances. We spend on them most of our time, which we could spend with true friends and loved ones, do what we love, or simply devote ourselves to a well-deserved rest. It is not difficult to calculate such people, since their behavior is usually characterized by such situations:

It is best to get rid of such pseudo friends, as over time they become an unbearable burden that pulls you to the bottom. Their problems miraculously turn into your worries, and communication with them becomes unbearable.

The best way to stop communicating with a person is to simply start ignoring them. In order for an obsessive friend to stop paying so much attention to you, you need to isolate yourself from him as much as possible and hide your initiative to communicate with him in a distant box. Do not call, write or arrange meetings. Of course, the most polite way is to stop communicating gradually and simply reduce your communications to nothing over time. It's good when a person understands everything and reacts to your behavior in return, but what if you, for example, are forced to see each other every day at work? In this case, psychologists recommend using some tricks:

• Learn to say "no".

Each time a request is contrary to your desires or abilities, provide a reasoned refusal. Keep your assignments a priority: “I can't complete your request because I have to finish my work first.” “I am too tired today and have no desire to do the work for you.” “I'm sure you can handle it yourself.” “Let's discuss this matter later.”

• Simulate being busy.

Actions are the perfect complement to words. If you notice that an unexpected guest is approaching your office, you need to portray a telephone conversation. Discuss work issues for as long as the person will be in the office. Shrug your shoulders and show that you are very busy and, unfortunately, you don’t have time to talk. You'll see, you won't have to wait long. Literally in 10 minutes you will be able to get rid of the botherer, and the person will return to his workplace.

• Lack of facial expressions.

In a conversation with a person, do not show your interest and goodwill. Just listen quietly to the narrator without asking provocative questions that could continue the monologue. When there is a pause, take a moment and end the conversation by returning to your tasks.

• Mirror principle.

Build your behavior with a person on the same principle as he behaves with you. In this case, you need to be guided by the phrase: "What you radiate is what you receive." Use his words and imitate his actions, and then the person will surely understand what the problem is.

• Point to the door.

If the employee's monologue cannot be stopped by any means, then during the conversation, stand up and slowly head towards the door. With all your appearance, show that you are going to leave, the interlocutor will follow you. When you both come to the door, open it and say that you would be happy to continue this conversation, but a little later. Now you can accompany your colleague with a joyful look.

In any case, saying goodbye forever, you must clearly understand that there may not be a way back. You can use a variety of methods, but first you need to talk to a person. Share your feelings with him and give him the opportunity to explain his behavior. Form sincere and reliable relationships with people and surround yourself with only positive and bright emotions.

You yourself know that the right moment has come. For several months in a row, you are tormented by communication with a person who poisons your life, and you cannot force yourself to part with him. You are bound by so much... Yes, and there is simply no strength. But at the same time, deep down you are sure that nothing good will come of you. Change can be scary, but there are several ways to let go of the person you no longer need without shock.

Appreciate yourself

In society, it is believed that everything around is more important. You should pay attention to others and only then - to yourself, if you have time left. But wouldn't it be better if everyone took care of themselves, shared the love and kindness that fills them from the inside, rather than trying to extract emotions from themselves that they do not experience? Enjoy the joys of life - it fills you with vital energy that will make you surround yourself with worthy people who are ready to support you.

Spend time alone

Being alone can seem like a scary idea to some. Many people don't even stop long at the mirror. You are so busy changing yourself that you forget who you are and what makes you special. You are trying to fit into a frame created by someone else. Take some time for yourself, just sit down and let your mind relax. Think about what kind of people deserve to be around. Become your own best friend if you want to have those around you who appreciate and support you.

Change your point of view

From time to time, you need to assess your living space with a detached look. If there are people around who hurt you, try to face the truth - they can be dangerous for you, stress simply spoils your health. It’s better to look at life differently - think about what qualities are important to you in people nearby, and don’t put up with those that you already have.

Determine your level

If you begin to appreciate yourself, you rise above the old circumstances. Many people who surround you will remain at the same level. Be prepared for this - define your boundaries. If your friends choose not to change, acknowledge your right to live life on a different level. There is no arrogance or negativity in this, it’s just that all people are different, and everyone chooses for himself how to fill his days, what emotions to live and with whom to communicate.

Find a useful replacement

When you get rid of the people who ruined your life, you will need to find those who will be replacements that can bring something positive into your existence. Look for them yourself. Love to dance? Sign up for courses? Do you dream of mastering the pottery craft? Find an interest group. As you develop your own interests and aspirations, you will find that there are many people around who are ready to share them with you and support your endeavors.

Find a teacher

Every day you try your best, but you still don't know what you can do to make tomorrow a better day than today. Find yourself a life teacher. This is the one who will give you the tools to let go of bad habits and thoughts and replace them with better ideas. A qualified specialist will be the best support on the path to improving your life, with him you can overcome even the most critical moments of your existence without suffering. It can be a psychologist, a motivation specialist, a coach.

Find motivation

If you have ended a difficult relationship, you will need support. The same applies to the situation when you are just preparing to change your life. Read Dr. Brown's books, watch inspiring lectures online. The knowledge of specialists, embodied in a convenient form, will fill you with motivation and self-confidence, you will be able to continue your difficult path. Just spend some time and carefully read the books on this difficult subject - the experience described in them is time-tested and can be incredibly useful for you.

Spend time with family

If you decide to get rid of friends who poison your life, you should be more close to your loved ones. Accepting the love of relatives is much better than trying to run away from this relationship. This will help you understand that there are those nearby who deserve your attention much more than acquaintances who poison your life. Try to be with your family as much as possible and appreciate every moment spent together.

Keep a diary

When you are alone with yourself, take notes. Write about everything. Few things can better help you deal with all your thoughts and desires than paper and pen. You will clear your head of suffering and you will be able to start living more positively. You will quickly sort out your relationship, learn to be more frank and be able to be more honest with the person whom it is time to let go.

Take a break

Many people around you have been around for too long. If you take a break, you will be able to better assess your attachment and more calmly figure out what positive qualities you initially saw in this person and how much the first opinion is true. If you are near, you will be tormented by regret, the gap will drag on and become unbearable. Respect yourself and the one you want to part with. Give yourself a moment of freedom, let yourself just breathe fresh air and take a fresh look at what unites you - mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically. A good break for reflection can change a relationship or help it end without drama.